Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
