I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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