mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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