You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
