Sry I called you an 8
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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