I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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