Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
