So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize