I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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