cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
