It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize