I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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