Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize