You smell like a Billy Joel song
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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