and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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