When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
