BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
