ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
