We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Text me some of your sweat
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