puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
