I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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