u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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