Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
