I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
