And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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