is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
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