I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
