heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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