the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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