Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
