I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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