i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
