I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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