I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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