I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
