I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
