dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
