remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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