It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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