We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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