I didn't shave. On purpose
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My underwear smells like fireworks.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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