based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
