You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
