hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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