The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Randomize
