That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
