shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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