I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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