In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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