she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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