yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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