I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
