I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
