Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
