You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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