I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
