So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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