awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
