Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
