why didn't you poke me back
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
