She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
