I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize