You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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