oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
