I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
