Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
