Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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