I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
