my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
